A sudden rush of blood....

Meanwhile Bill was in a quandary: how best to break the news to Rosey? Should he wait until bedtime and surprise her or tell her directly to gauge her reaction? Well the taxi was on its way and there had to be a plan. Sod it; fly by wire was the only option. Squirming into the taxi his mind was all over the place and the possibilities seemed endless. Realisation dawned that with his new member he could do no wrong. With this new found confidence coursing through his veins Bill alighted from the taxi and started on the path to heaven. By the time he reached the front door there was a stirring in his pants and a giddiness in his head. The excitement was obviously getting to him, this was great, the more excited he became the more light headed he became and he soon lost all sense of propriety. When he reached the front door he was in such a frenzied state that he felt the urge to impress upon Rosey the full import of his new masculinity and to this end resolved to strip himself buck naked and show her the full value of the sacrifice he had made. In turn this thought aroused him even more and his new extended member began to swell to unbelievable proportions and realising this made him feel even more giddy and light headed which in turn led to even more arousal. The weight of his erection was throwing him off balance and he started to sway like a drunken sailor; just managing to stop a fall to the rear, he thrust himself forward knocking his head viciously against the door , with this he slid towards the ground and got a nasty poke in the eye from his knob.

Rosey opened the door and the shock of what she saw reviled and excited her.  Bill was lying prostrate on the floor, seemingly drunk with his trousers around his ankles.  What must the neighbours think, she thought as she bent down to try and rouse him.  As she spun him onto his back she let out a scream as Bill’s engorged member slapped her clean on the face, knocking her to the floor.  What has he done?  She looked at Bill’s comatose body, with his  flagpole of a penis pointing north.  What has he put it in?  it was only on closer inspection that she realised it was a different skin colour and not a stain.  She quickly dragged him into the hall and tried to revive him but nothing seemed to work.  every time she shook him his knob arced wildly in the air hitting him or the wall.  She would have to get rid of his erection, but how?

She took the enraged member in both her little hands and  decided that she would need to massage it down. So with great care she began to rub the fleshy staff trying to make it decrease in size but to her amazement the damn thing only got bigger and angrier. All concern for Bills well being was soon abandoned as a sense of complete sexual abandon overtook her. Ripping her knickers from under her skirt she straddled the unconscious man before her and began to pleasure herself vigorously, her silhouette through the frosted glass of the front door resembling that of a cowboy on a bucking bronco. 3 hours later, completely sated Rosey disentangled herself from the pythons grip and fell exhausted to Bills side feeling like she had never felt before, complete, a whole woman. Very slowly he started to come around, opening his eyes he recognised the hallway and as the surroundings took shape began to remember what had happened. Making sense of the whole thing proved more difficult. He remembered the feeling of elation as he arrived home and the giddy feelings of joy at the expectation of the look on Roseys face as he unveiled the monstrous thing between his legs. But what had happened, there was the light headedness but surely that just because of the excitement of what lay ahead. His eye hurt, his head hurt and more importantly his penis felt red raw, god he hoped the graft wasn’t breaking down or even worse was being rejected. Looking sown at it he was relieved to see that all was well but he couldn’t explain the intense raw feeling burning in his groin, nor the stickiness he felt as he examined each long inch of it. Still light headed he slowly rose from the floor and it was then that he noticed  his beloved lying beside him. Luckily she was asleep, or was she? Could he have passed on some nasty infection from his operation to her? Maybe some nasty airborne virus? Oh Christ what had he done? His head began to spin again and he was consumed with guilt. Christ almighty  all his good intentions had been kicked into touch. The one thing in life that he loved he had now destroyed. Life was a bastard and there was nothing that he could do about it. With a sense of impending doom he crawled to the  phone and dialled 999.

“Which service do you require?”

“Ambulance please”

“What is the nature of your medical emergency sir”

“Well I had a penile graft and to cut a long story short I came home and think that I have passed on a hospital acquired infection to my Fiancée”

“Excuse me sir, would you mind repeating what you just said?”.

“For Christ sake. It is very simple. I was unhappy with the size of my penis so paid several thousand pounds to have it enlarged, because I had been having problems in the bedroom and was relying too much on my best mate to satisfy my fiancée and well I came home feeling not quite normal…..Could you just send an ambulance please, look I am an A/E nurse so I know when someone is acutely ill. She could be fucking dying you know”.

“OK sir just calm down, an ambulance is on its way to you right now. So why did you feel the need for a penis extension? Is your own penis really small. My last boyfriend was small but we worked through it. I mean the sex was awful, it was like he shaking a cocktail sausage in the middle of the Albert hall, but he was a good cook and kept the flat really tidy.”

“Look you stupid dumb nosey bitch, we could both be dying here and all you want to talk about is your ex boyfriend. My penis for your information was perfectly fine before the operation and its now even better. That is not the point. The point is that my woman is lying on the floor close to death and it is all my fault, God I have ruined something that was pure and sweet and unsullied and if she dies I will have to live with it for the rest of my life so if you don’t mind I would like you to hurry the ambulance along and do your fucking job.”

“Oh God sir I am so sorry, it is just that your whole story is so interesting, your commitment so complete, your love so deep that I have a feeling for you, a sense that you are a good person. I just feel that we have connected in some way. I am truly sorry for my behaviour. Can you possibly forgive me?”

“No I am sorry. Its just that I am upset and my mind is all over the place. I did not mean to be rude. The thing is my friend has been a rock for me but I feel that I need to take control of my own destiny. No one seems to understand me you see. I am a complex person you see. Well this is all a bit personal but I have been unable to perform without Hank giving advice and occasional physical support. That is what has led to this whole sorry situation.”

“What, Hank, the PO nurse from accident and emergency. Oh my God, does your bitch know just how lucky she is? And he gives physical support as well, he must surely think a lot of you. If only I was your girlfriend, some people have all the luck. I mean he is so much fun, everyone knows him, he is a legend, I mean he slept for three days solid for charity, what a guy. Is there any chance that you could introduce us, it would mean a lot to me, I have been very lonely recently, oh please just give me his number.”

“You crazy cow, he is mad as a fish. The only reason that he slept for three days is that he is a lazy bastard. He has no respect for women and is only concerned with his own self gratification. Shit, I want an ambulance and instead of sending one you want to shag my best mate, just send the fucking wagon will you.”

And it continues....

An hour later the surgeon and young nurse arrived in his room. Bill was standing by the sink brushing his teeth, the smuggest of smug smiles across his face. The surgeon waited for him to finish and then said that it was time for the grand opening. The nurse gently started to unwrap the bandages and remove the non adherent dressings, finally Bill was able to look.

“Oh sweet holy fuck, oh mother of fucking Jesus, what in the name of Christ have you done?”

“Exactly as you have asked me to do. You wanted option number 7 which is an extension to your penis of seven inches.” said the surgeon smiling;” the operation was a great success!.”

“No, no, no. I asked to have my penis extended to 7 inches, not an extra seven inches, this thing must be 12 fucking inches long, its huge and its not what I wanted. And look at the bloody bruising, fucking look at it, you promised that there would be no bruising and its black from the tip to over half way down. Call this a success, Christ I would hate to see one of your fuck ups!”

“Oh no Mr Bill. The operation was a great success. That is not bruising, not bruising at all. That is merely the length of the donor penis, we had no white penises in the fridge of the 7 inches you requested but I had  brought that magnificent specimen with me from India so I was able to grant your wish and give you the extra seven inches that you were desiring. That is the natural colour of your new penis, well just over half of it anyway. “

“Hang on one minute. Are you saying that not only did you give me a monster cock that I did not want but that over half of it once belonged to someone else? This, this thing was actually someone else’s love hammer. You said that for an extension all I would need was a few injections to the base of my chap and all would then be well. How in the hell have I went from that to having some dead mans knob sewn onto the top of mine, and will the bloody thing work? Oh Christ I must be fucking dreaming.”

“And what a beautiful dream Mr Bill. You have a magnificent two tone member dangling by your knees and rest assured that no one died so that you could have such a prize sausage hanging there.”

“Of course some poor bastard died, how else could you get a live fucking penis? I am not stupid you know.”

“Mr Bill, Mr Bill. Do not get upset, I simply bought the penis from its previous owner. He is alive and well I assure you. With the money I paid him he was able to buy a taxi in Calcutta and is now able to support his family without relying on state handouts. So you see, you have actually given this man his dignity back. You have done a great thing.”

“You bought it, removed it and brought it here, I don’t believe I am hearing this, I feel faint I need to lie down.”

With that the doctor and nurse left him alone to ponder his new self. Bill lay back on the bed and tried to make sense of the events of the last few hours. Truth be told, he felt violated, dirty and unclean. However it was more complicated than that. The whole sordid experience was arousing in a perverse way. Yes there was some poor gunga driving around Calcutta in a new taxi without a penis; he had a family and they were now not going to starve, which was good. This man now had a life and a future so some good had surely came of this whole sordid situation. It was time to weigh up the facts. Firstly, he now had an enormous penis and what man in his right mind would not find that immensely satisfying? OK so the damned thing was two tone but it was absolutely enormous, he could now satisfy any woman he chose. The long and the short of it was that he had spent a pile of money and that was that, he was fairly sure that there were no refunds in this establishment. A fait accompli, he had no choice so he all that could be done was be to make the most of the situation, and that meant going home and pleasuring young Rosey without any help from web cams or mobile phones. So resolved he had made up his mind, he would accept his fate and advance with determination towards whatever was thrown at him. It was in this frame of mind that he drifted off into a deep and satisfying sleep.

When he awoke it was dark outside and momentarily he forgot where he was. After a few moments realisation dawned and a glance under the duvet revealed that he was in no dream. Fifteen minutes later, the extended member thoroughly looked at and examined a glance at the bedside clock revealed the lateness of the hour; Rosey expected home over an hour ago. He immediately jumped out of bed, tripped over his new trouser snake, rolled to the floor, face landing in the used bedpan and ingested a large amount of fetid stool which he was sure was not his own. This in turn caused tremendous nausea and stomach cramps. After the vomiting came the realisation of just what had happened. A mouth full of shit was no laughing matter and the pain between his knees was something that he would not wish n his worst enemy, but how many people could say that they tripped over their cock getting out of bed. At this thought uncontrollable laughter overtook every other sense in that poor racked body and so that is how the nurse found him, lying in a pool of shit, piss and vomit; laughing hysterically with a semi lob on. After much coaxing they managed to get him dressed and into the foyer. Still feeling quite giddy he smiled at the receptionist and asked her to call him a taxi. Dry as you like she replied, “you are a taxi” and carried on filing her nails. Unperturbed Bill made his way to the payphone and booked a cab. Whilst waiting for the taxi to arrive it seemed a good idea to try out a few new walks to see how best his stance could emphasise his new enlarged manhood. So hands on hips and pelvis thrust forwards he paced the reception room smiling inanely at the staff and watching his reflection in the windows. This stance however caused some difficulty with walking and so needed adapting. The only way that a decent ergonomic stance and walking pace could be achieved was to thrust the hips forward with each step, a motion that would take some getting used to but most definitely showed his best asset at its maximum potential. It was at this moment that the young girl behind the reception desk pointed out that although she was sure an enormous penis was something to be proud of; perhaps Plymouth was not yet ready for a cock to be used as a scarf. Seeing the sense in this argument Bill unwound his cock from around his neck and stuffed it as best he could into his trousers, the few folds still showing he managed to cover with his tee shirt.

Hank however was having a troubled day of his own.  He hadn’t  spoke to Bill for some time, ten days, and could not recall the last time they both went for a drink together.  He picked up his pint and as he supped, glanced around the familiar surroundings of the Stoke Arms.  Although he hated the term, he begun to reflect on his current life.  He had been in the Navy for six years now, and although he had reached the rate of petty officer, he was feeling as if he hadn’t achieved what he thought was his full potential.  For most of his career he’d been alone.  He had lots of mates and if ever he needed someone to have a drink with his diary was full of folk to call upon.  But now it didn’t seem enough.  As he lit his tab he began to think of his best mate.   He’d known Bill just under a year, yet they got on famously.  They seemed to have the same outlook on life.  But although Bill was four years his junior he seemingly had a sense of maturity about him.  He had made some rash decisions recently, especially over that whore of Beelzebub he was living with.  But he genuinely seemed happy.  He mocked anyone who showed signs of settling down and was always pissed off when Bill now had some stupid excuse or other not to come out for a pint.  Like today for example, a few quiet beers was what he offered but Bill hummed and stuttered some reason for not making it.  He guessed, no knew it was that stuck up bitch that was saying no.  he was thinking Bill was behaving like a big cock.

But was he, he knew his current lifestyle of kebabs and beer couldn’t go on for ever.  He looked in the mirror and saw what potential he could offer a future mate.  His greying hair, ‘slight’ over weight, his unshaven pale complexion, his shirt with only a few stains on it.  He had the gift of the gab and could charm his way into anything but would any self respecting girl want to keep him.  He would have to change.  He ordered another pint, downed it and started to walk home.  He had a plan.  He needed to clean up his act but did not know where to begin. ‘ know your enemy’ he thought.  So he stopped off at the news agents to prepare himself.

“hello mr Hank” said the newsagent.

“alright gunga, how’s it hanging?” said Hank as he walked towards the magazine stand.

“I have your copy of ‘big and horny for you mr Hank”

“not today rogan josh me old mate,  I need some lady mags, what do you suggest?”

“okay mr Hank, I have ‘wet and gushing’, or ‘shaven haven’ is always popular”

“no you don’t understand, I want the kind of mag that a woman would buy”

“oh okay mr Hank how about ‘firm and proud’ or tongue and groove’?”

“no you dozy arab fucker, not porn, I mean women mags that normal girls would buy”

Hank rushed home with his new reading material and read them studiously. ‘ what a load of arse’ he thought when he got half way through.  If it wasn’t about what was happening in the next six months of soap operas it was about some dozy trout who was pissed off with her boyfriend or husband.  He looked at the headline article of one magazine. ‘My Boyfriend Had Sex with His Mate Shouting Orders’.  what a load of bollocks.  However he noticed an article that caught his eye.  Ways to change your man - ten ways to perfection.  He began to take notes. 

It was so easy, women were so one dimensional when it came to blokes that the changes would be easy.  Don’t fart or talk with your mouth full, piece of piss, listen to them, well if they had anything worth saying he surely would.  It was when it came to the topic of grooming that he thought he could make some changes.  washing regularly was a bonus, smelling nice too.  That was straight forward, he would buy some deodorant later.  However when they started talking about excess hair he realised that there was room for improvement.  He only had the one mirror that was inside his wardrobe door.  He took the door off and stood over it, stark naked.  The pubic forest looking up at him came as a surprise.  It would take for ever with his nursing scissors.  He looked to the magazine for a solution, then got dressed and went to the newsagents for some candles.