“No worries mate” came the reply and Hank bounded down the stairs to the waiting car. Bill spent the rest of the morning stomping around the flat and generally getting worked up at the situation he had been put in. At 12:00 he switched on the telly so he could watch Hank making a tit out of himself. To his horror Hank was explaining that Bill could not make it as there was an investigation being launched by the Devon and Cornwall
“Who will start me at 10 pence, 10 pence for novelty value ladies and gentlemen, 10 pence then”
A hand shot up in the middle of the room.
“Twenty pence?”
A different hand. And so it continued. A bidding war had erupted between a fairly sozzled Scotsman and an elderly prostitute. The whole thing became quite contagious and after 20 minutes of frantic bidding the bottle was sold for an amazing 495 pounds to a middle aged lady who just wanted her face on television. Hank picked up the winnings and explained that it might come in handy to help Bill out, well bail him out and left for home. When he got back Bill was nowhere to be seen so Hank went down the Stoke to find him.
“No mate” said Dave, “he hasn’t been in today but that could have something to do with the police taking him away at about half twelve.”
“OK then, just the one pint for now then” said Hank and adopted his position at the bar. Several pints later the phone behind the bar rang and Dave handed it to Hank.
“Hello” he was expecting another rant.
“Mate, its Bill, any chance you could come down to the cop shop and explain a few things to them. They are determined to prove that I am some sort of paedophile and I need you to tell them that you were just arsing around. Yep it was a good one, funny as fuck for you but I am a wee bit pissed off at the mo, so just do me a favour and come on down and explain it all.”
“Of course dude, I’ll be right there” and he hung up. “Same again Dave and give us a chaser as well will you.”.
It was a first for Bill, it felt strange for him to be stood there alone. Later when he was in the bar he would say he felt vulnerable. The CO removed his glasses and looked at Bill without saying anything. The master at arms, stood as usual behind Bill was wary, over the past few ocaisons of taking Bill to the table he had been through a variety of emotions, surprise, incredulity and on the last episode he had experienced a kicking so, as far as he was concerned, anything could happen. After what felt like and age the CO sighed and shuffled some paperwork. Bill, like any good senior rate tried to read it, as it was upside down.
“So PO Mason, I saw the televison the other day. Is there anything you wish to tell me?”
“well no sir” Bill was a bit perplexed, sure Hank was pissed during the filming but all his own expletives and social misbehaviour had been edited out, as far as he was concerned he was in the clear.
“what about what Chief Kelly, to be more precise, his statement” The CO leaned back in his chair rubbing his hand over his balding head.
“Oh that, well we sorted out, forgive my language but the bastard was out of order saying it but he sorted me out, we’ve only had the one brick through the window and apparently it’s the landlords responsibility to clean up the paint on the door”
“Paint?”
“Yeah the slogans, you know the type ‘ sicko fuck’ and ‘dodgy paeda trician’ we don’t really live in a well educated area”
The CO looked at Bill and his fists clenched, his knuckles whitening. He had two daughters of his own for christs sake.
“So how do you feel it should be managed, as far as the navy is concerned?”
This now had Bill concerned. Stood at the CO table, alone, and now not sure what he was on about. He was so use to having Hank as back up. “Well sir I don’t see how this affects the Navy really”
The CO leapt to his feet “you don’t! It may have escaped your attention PO but you are a national icon. The press still call you the hero of the moors. You met the queen for fucks sake! And now you have the, the … well yesterday on television with you and Chief Kelly! You can’t see how it affects the navy!”
Bill realised what he was concerned about “Ah I see well on that case you have nothing to worry about”
“really?”
“Yeah no snags at all.he realised he shouldn’t have said it and bought us a few beers last night so no harm done.”
“No harm done eh? What do you think master? Any harm done?”
“Oh yes sir, lots of harm done. The service brought into disrepute. This unit made into a laughing stock. And this snivelling idiot thinking that he can go around advertising himself as a kiddie fiddler. Throw the book at him sir.”
With that the CO automatically grabbed the closest BR, and flung it at Bill, catching him square in the face. Bill fell over clasping his nose as blood spilled through his fingers. All he could hear was the CO saying:
“shit I don’t believe I done that. Master what the hell just happened?”
“Nothing sir, I saw nothing.”
“Don’t be so bloody stupid. That’s not what I meant. Oh never mind. The long and the short of it is that this little shit has got away with it again and its all my fault. I am such a failure. If I was a good boss this would not have happened. I am a failure. It is time for me to leave the service, that’s it I am out of here, do what you want with this twat, I wash my hands of all this and all things nautical. Bollocks to the lot of you.” With that he left the room and was never seen in uniform again.
What followed could only be described as ‘awkward’. The Master at Arms and Bill looked at each other unsure of what to do. Bill spotted the Joss’ uncertainty and saw it as an advantage.
“What the fuck have you done? He was a good man and you just let him walk out, to think how much he stuck up for you, jeez.”
The Joss, a man with 36 years experience in the navy, The Falklands, both gulf wars, and two tours in northern Ireland plus many many ships had chose his final draft at the hospital as his closing draft in the royal navy. Stood looking at Bill in the now ex CO’s office he recalled how he had said to his wife, the first day of his last draft, “It’ll be a doddle love, all these medical folk are professionals so I won’t have to lift a finger”. And now he was in a room with a one half of his greatest workoad since joining the navy. He had filled in so many charge sheets that he knew Bill’s service number better than he knew his own. He had been ridiculed kicked and now it seems he had saw his boss, a fine man, given up and all because of this kiddy fiddler.
“You perverted cunt. I’ve had it with you. I’m gonna give you such a kickin” He loomed menacingly towards Bill.
Bill jumped behind the CO’s desk. “wo wo wo. Hang on a minute shipmate. Who are you calling perverted. What’s Rosey been saying? Those fucking costumes were only a suggestion!”
“Eh? Costumes? I’ll fucking bet, school girl uniforms more like”
Bill looked at the joss and shrugged “well two of them, but it was the Nun outfit I felt bad about”
OCN who was passing heard the commotion and entered the office. The joss was sitting on Bills chest and trying his best to strangle him. She shouted at the Joss to get off and helped Bill to his feet. She demanded to know what the hell had happened and why did she just see the CO weeping as he left the building. Bill explained everything and that was the end of the Joss’s career. A new CO was appointed and things at the unit settled down to their normal ways.
