Torture and penance

“BILL!” she called out” I didn’t see you at the communal flogging and self deprecation”

“Er yes, sorry about that, bit of a dicky tum.  In fact I’d suggest everyone leave it about half an hour before they try the heads again”. She nodded and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“you  poor thing.  You know it is our lord expelling satan’s minions from your colon.”

Bill, from years of gambling had his best poker face on when he retorted” Yeah and your leader made a good job of giving them a nice wide opening for them to leave didn’t he”

“Pardon?” But before she could question him any further the leader walked in with two disciples pushing a blanket covered trolley in his wake.

“Brothers, Sisters, Bill. I am so proud of you all.  Now you all know how I denigrate the media and the devils means of spreading his lies.  But for today we must facilitate the demons tools for us to see the benefits of Christ Uniting Nations Together.”  He glanced to the disciples by the trolley, with a flourish the blanket was removed to reveal a large 32 inch plasma tv screen.  “Now I have arranged to have the devils window moved from my bedroom for us all to see how our glorious lords work has reached the world via the news networks.  Come, brothers, sisters and Bill, let us see our handy work!”

The tv was switched on, either by design or by coincidence the opening titles of BBC news 24 was playing.  The Almighty Avengers leaned in closer to the screen as the attractive presenter smiled then announced “The City of Plymouth was the victim of mass vandalism last night from what seems to be a profane and vulgar group of local terrorists……”

The leader, indignant, shouted “How dare they proclaim the word of our lord as a profanity..”

The announcer continued “… what can only be assumed to be drunken youths, last night decided to write CUNT all over the city…”

The television was quickly switched off.

That day Hank was on an early. Still quite pissed he decided that it was best to get the bus. Surprise was an understatement; at first, looking at the excess of graffiti before him the first thought to enter his drink sozzled mind was “what have I done now?” The journey to work made his sense of dread deepen, to such an extent that he reported to the CO first thing.

“Sir, the whole thing is a misunderstanding, I give you my word that I spent the night alone reading the bible; do you know that some poor buggers wife got turned to salt, I mean it got me thinking, salt is useful..”

“Chief, what the fuck are you on about? If this is another scheme by you and Mason then forget it, I am not a soft touch like some others may have been. As soon as Mason returns from his course the two of you will be right in the centre of my radar. Don’t you think for one minute that you two semi literate morons can fool me. Now piss off to work and do the only thing that you do well. No stop, when is Mason due back from his course?”

“Sir, it is a developing course and as such there are no boundaries, you know what academics are like and Mason as you call him has become terribly imbued with the new movement, all I can say is that I know in my heart that he will come back a better man.” With that he left, the CO felt that he had got his point across and Hank was confused. At work it became apparent that the overnight defacement of Plymouth had nothing to do with him.

To be honest even Hank was shocked, well not shocked but ……intrigued, there must be some really interesting people at large and speaking of large the sun was well over the yardarm and the toilet was calling.

Hank walked back to the main corridor with a spring in his step.  He felt a great weight had been lifted, physically it had but the conversation amongst his fellow nurses sunk him again.

“So Hank you are saying you weren’t out last night.  Are you sure?”

Hank sagged his shoulders.  Honestly why would everyone think he was responsible for everything bad that happened.  Okay, empirical evidence would suggest that usually he was but jesus….. yes jesus.  The thought rang a little warning sound in his mind.

“No for fucks sake. Jeez why would you cunts think I would write such a thing?”

They looked at each other, “Well we’re not saying it could be you.  It’s just that if not you then who would?  By the way how is Bill doing on his course?”

The alarm bell in Hanks mind was now ringing louder.  Klaxons were now playing.

“Erm, yes he’s doing ok.  Look I have a few things I need to sort out.  Can I knock off early?”

Meanwhile the Almighty Avengers were having a crisis meeting. The leader had gathered all the team leaders together and it had been realized that it was Bill who decided on the abbreviation.  Bill was sat in the sacred circle, naked but for his sack cloth the leader walked around him.

“So it was you who thought to write it?”

“Write what?”

“The word.  The word all over the city”

Bill shuffled in his seat.  “I thought that you wanted me too”

The leader spun widly, spittle in the corner of his mouth as he grabbed Bill by his shoulders and with his snarling mouth inches from Bill’s face “ And what in god’s name, our holy father made you think I would want you to do that you, you  you ….. you!”

Bill looked at the arms on his shoulders, felt the nails digging in and was a tad uncomfortable.  He looked the Leader in the eye as he said “Look fella, the last thing you said to all of us was how important it was to spread the word”

“Not that fucking word”

The bretheren gasped. A hush descended in the refectory. Celia allowed herself a small gasp. Things were’nt as they should be. The leader had uttered a profanity, he had lost his self control; no, things were not looking good. Luckily Robert was there to restore some semblance of  order. Bill was frog marched into the cleansing room. All she could do was pray and she did not let the screams distract her. And Robert was screaming, he had just seen his leader lose control and so his world was falling apart. To compound the issue Bill had had found his confiscated items and was busy making up for lost time, after his first long draft of Sainsbury Whiskey he looked at his erstwhile tormentor, yes Robert needed to be taught a lesson and the screaming was certainly not helping. Putting the brown and slightly whiffy hip flask on the floor he gently moved the screaming idiot to the gurney and then proceded to perform his own version of the wax treatment; involving a small cleaver and some chilli powder.

The scene that met celia as she entered the room was like a scene from her worst nightmares, Bill had hold of Roberts cock and was pumping it furiously whilst laughing maniacally. She did not realize that he was working the chilli powder deeper into the now burning member and when Bill had a coughing fit and was forced to bend whilst the hot member entered his mouth the poor girl could only jump to one conclusion, the end was nigh. With that she ripped all earthly things from her body and ran from the retreat buck naked, only stopping when a strange Scottish bloke drinking some foul concoction called cleggy wrestled her to the ground and asked her to play dead.