fanny

He failed miserably. But after all were they not there to help him? He would attend regardless, so bravely he crossed the threshold and went in search of the AA meeting. The building was bigger than he expected and his inebriated state made decision making difficult. After what seemed like an age he came to a door with AA emblazoned on it in big black letters printed on A4 paper. Drawing himself up to his full height Bill took a deep breath and entered the room. It was not what he expected but then again he was absolutely plastered was he not and if he was not very much mistaken there a few decent females in the room. Burping he excused himself and staggered to a chair, a chair beside a fine looking woman; he turned to her and flashed his biggest smile before falling from his chair. He quickly regained a level of composure, reseated himself with some difficulty and listened to the man leading the group.

“Brothers, before me I see a group of people who are tired of modern life and all the depravities it inflicts upon us. Is this what God wants? Is this the way in which we would like our children to be brought up. When I walk through this city I see nothing but depravity and vileness in all that I see. Our society fails us daily and we have a duty, a duty to future generations and to the Almighty himself. In his great wisdom he gave us a bountiful planet and opposing digits. With this came a duty to love and worship him and the best way of so doing is to look after what he gave us and that includes us, yes you and me. If we cannot look after our own bodies how can we be deemed worthy of everlasting life? It is true that our bodies are temples and every day we see people abuse them, abuse them with cigarettes, drugs, poor diet and above all alcohol. Alcohol! Its foul stench permeates this very room. It is in my nostrils now and the putrid foul smelling filth is getting stronger and stronger. Why is this?” he shouted.

“Here, over here!” screamed the good looking lass next to Bill. “The devil himself sits in this room and casts his evil eye about us all. Here next to me, look how he smirks at us and treats us with contempt. Look how he is unable to even sit as he rocks to and fro; this man next to me has brought Satan to us!”

Bill sensed that something was amiss. The lady next to him was getting quite worked up. He had not really paid much attention to the skeletal figure who appeared to lead the group and this he decided may have been a mistake. Shaking the filthy thoughts of his neighbour from his head he endeavored to make sense of the situation. All eyes were upon him and there must have been a reason for this. The obvious answer was that he was a new comer and he had watched enough TV to know the form at these meetings, so slowly and as steadily as he could manage he got to his feet, looked at each and every person in the room and began:

“My name is Bill and I have a drink problem” he began. “My journey to this room has been a tortuous one and one of which I am not proud.” This was quite easy actually he thought, and it would probably be best to include something about God as they seemed a fairly religious lot. “I have been drinking heavily; and sinning for more years than I care to think about right now. Throughout this time I have been aware that my actions were self destructive and against the will of god. The lonely, drunken and debauched road I have so far travelled has now reached a crossroads; there is a decision to be made and put simply it is a choice between good and evil. With your help I would like to make the right choice and begin my wanderings anew, down a straight and peaceful road; down a road that leads away from the devil and all he represents; down the road to enlightenment and all that is holy. So I turn to all here and ask for your help and through you Gods help to start leading a good and productive life.”

With that and feeling somewhat smug at his oratory skills he sat down. Unfortunately he had moved from his chair during his speech and so missed the chair altogether and ended up on the floor again. This only served to highlight the sad state that he was in. Not one person in the audience had a dry eye. The unspoken feeling was that God had given them a mission. Here was a soul that needed saving, but more importantly wanted saving. On the down side his present condition precluded him from immediate saving so they all sat as if in a trance, not knowing what to do. The spell was broken by the smell of urine which became more intense with time. Bill was lying in his own piss and unable to do anything about it. The piss was still warm and Bill felt strangely at peace with the world as he drifted into sleep. He imagined he could hear sweet whisperings as he felt himself slowly sail into oblivion.