Ah the last girl.  This was a chapter in Bill’s life that he regretted more than anything.  And Hank knew how much he suffered the months and years after the break up.  This was the thing with Bill, knee jerk reactions, spur of the moment reacting on instinct.  Diane was the 18 stone Jamaican fortune teller that Bill had hooked up with three years ago.  They’d met at the chemist counter and she dropped her cream and he bent down to pick it up and his face was lost in her ample bosom.  She thanked him, he thanked her and they went for coffee.  The next thing Bill was holding the reins to a horse drawn gypsy carriage going up the M5 with  Diane guzzling white rum and playing the mandolin, singing a song about an unfortunate badger.  It was only on the third day that  Bill awoke in the middle of a field with only a bobble hat and an egg whisk.  Diane had taken everything.  Hank came to the rescue then, and had a feeling that he would have to again.

So what’s the money for?

Well, Misha, that’s the girl in the corner, was abducted from her home in Estonia and it got me thinking.

“What ,you want to fly to Estonia and kidnap some more pre pubescent girls?”

“No you sick bastard, that’s disgusting!”. “Misha is enough for me, she is all I ever wanted in a woman/girl; by the way where is that candle stick of yours?”

The candlestick was never found but the conversation moved on and Bill’s plan started to unfold before them. Hank was happy to provide the initial finance as it might keep Bill busy for a while and out of trouble. So they set off for the cash point and on the way home popped into the pub for lunch, Misha waited outside and they gave her  a packet of crisps and a coke to keep her occupied. The first pint of Guinness went down well so they had another and soon forgot about Misha as Bill made his plans. Outside Misha got herself busy, having no money for more crisps she did what she knew best and was soon surrounded by a

group of elderly men in long raincoats. Soon she had 60 pence and was able to get a packet of cheese and onion and a can of coke. Meanwhile the plan was progressing and the next stage was about to commence; after one more pint. Misha was cold and bored at this stage so went back to Hanks to play with the teddy bear.

“Right fella, with one thousand pounds I can put down a deposit on a house and then I can start to rescue whores from all over eastern Europe!”

“Aye, but what will you do with them all? Where will they go to school? Who will baby-sit if you want to go out.?”

“well mate I’ll be honest with you I haven’t thought that far ahead.  But I was thinking of making this my life’s work.”  Bill sat there with his pint, Hank with his pint and pint chaser, and just glanced around the room.  It was unnerving.  The room was familiar, the pub was a second home to both of them.  Yet Bill felt like he was looking at it for the first time, as if he was standing at  the edge of a cliff; scared of heights; and noticing that the canyon is full of marsh mallows.

Then came the metaphorical slap in the face.

“dozy fucking cunt twatter”  Hank as always eloquently expressed his thoughts.  “you honestly think this girl will appreciate any of this.  She’s a whore mate,  have you not noticed the queue of guys out the window.  They’re not waiting for a fucking bus you know.  Well if they are it’s the number 69 to Misha town and it’s going all the shite busting way.  Look if you love this girl yeah help her, but not every girl you come across needs your help.  Remember when we first met?  That girl came up to you crying,  I told her to fuck off but not you and where did it get you? Eh where?”

“well Hank to be fair I first met you at work. Accident and emergency.  That girl who was crying was a patient and she’d been stabbed.  Do you not remember?”

Hank gazed at the ceiling trying to remember, his mind meandered through his life to the day he was told that he had to mentor a newly qualified nurse called Bill.