And yet more

“Oh sorry fella. I am the senior nurse on duty so if you will excuse the pun it seems that you are stuck with me.” At this the two paramedics on the ground started laughing all over again, just as they were getting a hold on themselves. Some more staff arrived from the department as Hank climbed into the back of the ambulance. Removing the blanket that was covering Claire he stood back in shock. Claire was looking straight at him, fear imprinted all over her face, her cheeks flushed and hair all bedraggled. Oh and there was also a very large penis hanging out her mouth. He followed the length to its origin and looked at this friend.

“Is this all yours mate? I mean has it always been yours? No I mean what the fuck is it? And just what is it doing in her mouth.”

“Not now fella. Just help sort us out will you.”

“Nope, I want to know just what is going on and she is saying nothing is she. That leaves you shipmate. Those two monkeys outside are in no state to tell me anything are they, I mean they laughed so much that they crashed the bloody ambulance. So start talking my son and don’t spare any detail. Don’t worry I will bring you into resus and try to separate the two of you. If you are very good I will even consider not telling Rosey that you have been bagging off out of watch. My lips will be sealed, which is more than I can say for your friend here” he said pointing to Claire.

With some difficulty and a lot of hilarity the unfortunate couple were transferred into resus and it was with some surprise that Hank discovered that Rosey had also been admitted. Things were certainly getting interesting, a lot more interesting than a few pints of the black stuff down at the social club. Anyway before he found out what had happened to Rosey he determined to interrogate his mate. Laughing was not going to help but he couldn’t help himself, every time he thought about the sight that greeted him in the back of the ambulance a smile spread across his face and the laughter just flooded out. Eventually a semblance of control was achieved and the time was right. Standing at the side of the trolley that held the two of them he looked at Claire and asked if she minded him having a chat with his mate. She just looked at him and managed to nod her head slightly whilst at the same time looking totally ridiculous with that enormous two tone cock wedged in her mouth and tears streaming down her face.

“Well” said Hank. “Rosey has arrived but I suppose you were expecting that. As you are also aware Claire is still rather stuck on you. We are trying to figure out a way to separate you both but are having some difficulty on that score. One option is to surgically enlarge her mouth to enable release but we would like to avoid this if at all possible for obvious reasons. On the other hand I and the rest of the staff are curious as hell as to how this all came about and a good place to start would be that abomination between your legs, I have known you for some time now and am pretty sure that it is a fairly recent addition. It is of course not just idle curiosity but a good history as you well know may give us a clue as to how resolve this whole situation for you in the most efficient manner.”

“Look Bill interrupted angrily. I am sure that his whole episode is incredibly amusing to you and everyone else here but I just want my cock out of her mouth and to see if Rosey is all right. So if you don’t mind I would just like you to do your job and fuck off.”

“Now that really isn’t the attitude is it? I am trying to help you but you aren’t making it easy. One problem is that Claire here cant stay still and the movement this causes around your member excites you, you pervey bastard and so causes you to maintain that huge erection, which in turn fills her mouth and prevents us from being able to release you both. The fact is that if you weren’t lying down you would be unconscious at the moment as the amount of blood needed to keep that thing going would starve your brain of blood resulting in dizziness, visual disturbance, loss of balance and indeed a decreased level of consciousness. So if you will just play along perhaps we can work out a solution to this together.”

At this Claire nodded her head vigorously causing Bill to swoon. As soon as she stopped and Bill came round again Hank continued.

“Right fella, tell me the whole story.”

“OK. I was a bit fed up of relying on you for my success in the bedroom and decided to do something about it.” Claires eyes widened but she was smart enough not move a muscle, a look of intense interest spreading across her face. ”Anyway I saw an advert online for a new penis enlargement treatment and felt that if mine was bigger then I would be happier with my own image and so be able to get an erection without you giving instruction from the corner or wherever.” Again Claire gagged for a while and Bill was close to collapse but she managed to control herself and he was able to continue. “So I signed up for the procedure but it did not go exactly according to plan and the damned quack gave me some poor Indian blokes knob grafted onto the end of my own. Deciding to make the best out of a bad situation I decided to give it a try and went home to surprise Rosey. The rest is all a bit hazy I am afraid. One minute there was the excitement of showing Rosey her present and the next everything went blank. I woke up and Rosey had collapsed, probably from some nasty infection that I picked up during the graft so I phoned an ambulance. The next thing I knew this crazy bitch attacked me with a broom whilst her partner in crime hid in the corner. She then threw me to the ground and started to wank me and I felt all light headed again and passed out. When I awoke she was as you see her now. And that’s it. That’s all there is, so if you don’t mind I would like you work out a solution and extricate me from this crazy bitch and find out how Rosey is. Please.”

Bill was out on a two day fishing trip, it was something he enjoyed that was good for him.  It got him out in the clear fresh air, except for the tabs.  And it was a break from drinking, except when Hank came along with his hip flask.  Well that’s what Hank called it.  Everyone else knew it as the common tartan family sized thermos.  The trip was organised by the royal navy fishing team.  The navy was always keen to support sport.  It developed team spirit and physical fitness.  Bill’s physical fitness was being pushed to the extreme as he sat at the back of the boat, the sun beating his brow.  His team spirit, in this case gin, was going down well too.  There were three boats all in all and although Hank came along on the trip, he wasn’t on any of them. 

They arrived the night before and when they moved in to the cottage that had been hired by the navy they discovered that the rest of the fishing party all ranked captain and above.  As the only junior ratings it would have been thought that Bill and Hank would seem awkward and out of place but the two of them could engage in any social situation and class.  That is they did what they always do regardless of the company.  They could piss off people from all walks of life.  That night though they were kept out of the conversation and when they suggested going to the pub, the rest declined, preferring to stay in the cottage drinking a fine bottle of port and talking shop.

Well they would have done if Hank hadn’t nicked it.  The two of them staggered up the lane towards the pub taking swigs then passing it on, to the left. 

“boring stuck up wankers”  was Hanks eventual  assessment and character assassination of the fishing party.  He decided to share this with Bill over their second pint.

“maybe fella but it doesn’t hurt to ingratiate yourself every once in a while.  Friends in high places can be useful.  Especially with our track record.”  Bill cast a glance around the room for any talent but was left wanting.

“ah come off it mate, you can’t go through life brown nosing like the other fuckers.  It’s beneath you.  You want to end like that stuck up bitch that joined up last year?  What’s her face? The one who plays the trumpet.  What happened to her?”

“oh Abi?  She got her commission,  she’s a ward sister in Portsmouth now.”

“ah yeah but how many people has she stood on to get there.  It’s like the knob who was on that exercise in Yorkshire.  You know the scrawny fucker who was always volunteering himself for every shit job going, then arranged that trip to the museum for the crowd.  What a party that was, and you just know no-one wanted to go and wanted to kill him.  He got drafted out of the department toot sweet didn’t he.”

“yeah he got his promotion two months ago, he’s on a trauma course in south Africa at the moment.”

“Cunt.  They all are, cunts the lot of ‘em.”  He went up to the bar and ordered some more drinks.  He turned to Bill, “Fella I’ve just thought, there’s no cash point round here is there.  How much cash have you got?  Maybe spare us fifty quid?”