Stripper Sex

They drank in silence for the next few hours and soon realised that they were getting bored and needed some entertainment. The quiz machine was out of order so they decide to see if Big Gay Al could be found around town. First stop was to be the cutter. On entering the pub was alive buzzing, there was a sense of excitement pervading the whole atmosphere. As Bill got the drinks in the lights darkened and a small spot of green light lit up a small stage. To the tune of Nelly the elephant Big Gay Al pounced onto the small rostrum and gyrated his hips badly. He slipped on some spilled ice and lay there for a while just smiling at the audience, none of whom except Bill and Hank were paying any attention to him. He pulled himself up the pole and pointing Bill screamed “this one is for you baby”. He then pulled off his trousers in one seamless action and started to shake his member at him. On closer examination Bill felt quite disgusted, Als chap had obviously been given a good pounding in its lifetime and had suffered several diseases. It made the two toned beastie in his own pants seem unremarkable by comparison. Al then announced that he would play a tune on his knob, a trick he called clacking. He rubbed soap all over it and then proceeded to beat out a tune on his lower abdomen with his cock. No one could make out the tune but he carried on regardless finishing with a huge ejaculation that landed unseen in in a pint nearby.

Bill and Hank looked at each other and smiled.  They had their star and it would be easy to persuade him.  Big Gay Al pulled up his trousers and staggered up to them.

“Ah yers alreet?”  He asked.  Bill and Hank were big drinkers, it was no secret, but Al was in a league of his own.  Hank asked could he get him a drink and he asked for a cleggy.

“A what?”  Asked Hank.  Al asked the bar man for three cleggys and the trio were presented with three pint glasses with a dark brown liquid in it.

“it’s ma own creation, vodka, baileys, advocat and a half pint of mild, with a splash of tonic water.  Cleggy as in wha’s this?  Looks Cleggy”  He proceeded to down half his pint.  Bill and Hank not wishing to appear rude did the same.

The following morning the three of them adopted the usual position with the CO.  This time Hank had a step ladder, Al had dog lead and Bill was clutching an umbrella stand in the shape of an elephant’s foot.

“words fail me gentleman.  They fail me.  Kelly I’ve been instructed by…other authorities to leave you well alone.  But you, Mason and….who are you?”

“Ah’m alreet pal, thanks for askin.  Yerself?”

“Not how, who!” yelled the read faced Master at arms behind them.

Big Gay Al swaggered as he turned to face him.

“An a big Hawoo to you too.”  The master at arms, on instinct punched big gay al square in the face knocking him over the desk and onto the CO’s Lap.  Bill looked at the CO’s face framed by Big Gay Al’s legs, his crotch nestled under his chin and the sound of Al groaning from behind the desk.  The drink had shut off most of his synapses but a few were still firing.  He looked at the drunken form of Hank and was confused.

“Fella I thought we were gonna use the whore?”

Another bloody shambles thought the CO. Kelly would get his just desserts at the court-martial but Mason, well his ass was for the high jump, but first there was a terrible stench emanating from the crotch of the individual who now straddled him. The Joss was busy trying to remove the offender from the CO and as they disentangled a silence descended over the room. Mason was smiling smugly at the Joss, waving his finger in his face.

“OH, naughty, naughty Jossman. You did not want to hit him did you. Well, well, well.”

The Joss was absolutely seething and about to deliver another knock out blow when the CO pointed out that Mason had a point, perhaps the whole thing could be settled amicably. Sensing weakness Big Gay Al interceded;

“Nay fecking way shippers. Dee yer hear me. That pricky cunt slapped me in front of yae an  yer jusy goin to let him off are yea. We’ll see about tha!” and turned to leave.

“Now hold on a minute” the CO called. His reputation was already in tatters and if this got out his career would truelly be over.”We can sort this mess out, just what do you want?”

“Right then, I’ll be tellen yae” replied Al. “Me an me mates here want to kick that bistard in the balls!”

On reflection this seemed a decent compromise to the CO so he assented. The Jos was in a state of complete shock. He could not believe what had just transpired and stood there facing the CO with his mouth agape as Al approached. His brain was saying that this could never happen, that he must be dreaming when reality in the form of a size 9 boot caught up with him, or rather his balls. He crumpled to the ground and was quickly aware that two more blows had landed, vomiting he passed out into oblivion.

The three of them sat in the stoke with their trophies beside them.  Hank and Bill almost retched when Big Gay Al asked them if they wanted a Cleggy.  He went to the bar and they sat there quietly contemplating their situation.

“You know fella, we get out of some shit don’t we.”

Hank looked at Bill and wondered if the next sentence would include Rosey.  He attempted to steer away Bill’s thoughts.

“Bill?”

“What mate?”

“I know we’re a bit pissed an all but today is Thursday, isn’t it?”

“Not sure why?”

“well, when was the last time either of us went to work?”

Bill looked up to the ceiling and stared as if the roof would provide the answer.  “You know I’ve no idea”

They looked at each other and sniggered.  Big gay al looked over from the bar,”are you laughing at me yer cunts”  As he walked over to them, drinks in hand.

“No fella “ said Hank.  “we just realised that we haven’t turned up for work for about three weeks, no-one has called us, and the CO didn’t say a word about it today.”