On
the way back to the flat conversation was somewhat stinted so to fill the gap Bill
asked;”what do people who don’t go to pubs actually
do? I mean how do they fill in the time after work and before work and during
their holidays? Actually what do people actually do? This hit him like a
bombshell. What was he actually missing out on. Wow just 1 day on and already
he was asking important questions. Things were improving, his mind was working
and his body was…….farting. On the other hand Celia was thinking “what sort of
task has the Lord set upon me? Surely the labours of Hercules were nothing
compared to what she was facing? It was at this time that she realised the true
enormity of the task in front of her and she decided on the next course of
action. Bill would have to be removed from all temptation and stripped of all
his materialistic needs. Luckily the AA had a retreat in the country where he
could be isolated from all the temptation that surrounded him. Now all they
needed was transport and uniforms.
When
she mentioned going away Bill thought things were going swimmingly. Not a man to be afraid of committing too
early in a relationship he thought a holiday was a great idea. He phoned work trying to think of a good
excuse why he wouldn’t be in work but they still thought he was on
‘the course’. He thought that was a problem he would face
later. It wasn’t
really a problem as he had a computer and could easily knock up a certificate.
When
they got to the retreat he thought it was a strict health spa. They got there and a weedy bloke in a tracksuit asked him to get
changed into a purple robe. Once
suitably attired, with Celia stood next to him, the young man with the name badge
of Robert asked him to place all of his outside evils in the tray on a desk.
Bill
was perturbed to say the least, “hang on rob, what do you…”
“It’s ROBERT.”
Alright,
touchy. Bill thought. “Okay RoBERT, what
do you mean, exactly by ‘outside Evils?”
“Well Sinner,”
Sinner is it you scrawny fuck, Bill thought, When my bird isn’t here you
and me are going to have words sunshine. “ Every aspect of your outside life
needs to be collected to prevent distractions during your time here.”
Bill
was not happy with this but Celia’s
encouraging looks made him deposit his ‘evils’. In went his mobile phone, two packs of
cigarettes and a can of lager.
Robert
looked at him expectantly. “What?” Bill asked
“is that everything?
We will search you.”
Bill
sighed and put in a large Cigar, another pack of cigarettes and a hip flask.
“You won’t be needing your wallet either.” Said
Robert. You’re
enjoying this you slimy cunt, Bill thought.
Yet the smile from Celia melted his pugnacious spirit and he placed his
wallet on the tray as well. After this Bill,
dressed in his purple linen robe was escorted into an ante room. Celia didn’t
follow. As the door closed behind him he
turned, surprised to see her not there.
That was when he was pushed against the wall and a further two hip
flasks were taken from him, despite his protests. Realisation quickly dawned
and he was not happy. All he had left was the ¼ litre flask and 2oz packet of
tobacco with papers up his arse. Then again it couldn’t
last forever and he was sure that Celia would come across very quickly. With
this thought in mind he swaggered to the next room. Before him he saw a gurney
and a length of house pipe. Perplexed he realised that ROBERT and some quite
butch colleagues were propelling him towards the gurney and the next thing he
knew he was strapped down and the hose pipe was snaking up his colon which
worryingly was not as unpleasant as he had imagined. Needless to say the pipe
found the last of the secret stache so he lay there, robed in purple, with a sore
arse and no booze or fags. On the other hand Celia was still about and his life
was changing so he staggered towards the exit door. On the other side he
found the leader naked as the day he was
born, with open arms and a big smile on his face. “Bill, so glad to see you here. Come brother join me in worshiping our lords
creation and remove your robe.”
The
world had stopped. The world had stopped
and left Bill in the toilet. That was
the nearest explanation that entered Bill’s
mind. It was in this confusion that
unseen hands undid and removed his robe.
As this was done Celia entered the room in all her glory. Her pert breasts and toned body more than
made up for her, now obvious ‘as nature entended’
and hirsute body. Even the wisps of
pubic hair that Bill didn’t even know could grow in such places, was an
obscure turn on. It had the obvious
effect.
“ We’ll have none of that!” Screamed the,
previously unseen, prima donna sized mustachio-ed female naked women who
promptly whipped Bill’s engorged manhood with a birch. “Oh leader
he needs the wax treatment, the devil is strong within him. Satan needs to be
purged at once, allow me to expunge the devil from within him. Oh leader I can
feel the force and know that I can beat him!”
“Begin the wax treatment” screamed the leader. With
that Bill had his manhood strapped to a table, a table he noticed was early 17th Century
and worth a few pounds. The room however had become cold and his manhood had
reacted accordingly which was quite embarrassing as Celia was staring at him intently. However
as she satcheed into the room he found his maleness returning and felt that
once again he could face the future with confidence. Smiling smugly he began to
wonder what the wax treatment actually was but luckily he did not have long to
wait. Stroking his engorged member Celia smiled at him in a manner that could
only mean one thing. Physiologically he responded accordingly whilst mentally
he strayed and took his eye off the ball. Celia kept her eye on the ball and
raising her arms above her head Bill was shocked to see that she was holding a
large mallet, even more surprisingly she brought it down on his engorged member
with extreme force resulting in the wax leaping from his ears and just before
passing out he realised what the wax treatment was.
Awakening
some time later Bill was aware of an excruciating pain in his loins; his first thought was of
Celia and he began to wonder just how good had he been to be left feeling like
this but slowly realization began to dawn….. “Oh sweet Jesus” he screamed just
as the leader entered his room.
“that’s the attitude young man, there is hope for
you yet; now that I have witnessed your acceptance of our Lord I feel that we
can move on to the next stage, get dressed and meet me in the refectory in 15
minutes.” With that he left with a swirl of his purple robe leaving Bill
wondering just how he would escape from this madness. Dressing gingerly in
sackcloth Y fronts and purple robe he made his way to the refectory. On a small
dias at the front stood a flip chart and the leader.
“Welcome brother, now that we are all gathered I am
pleased to inform you of the next stage in our plan, Operation Purify; as you
will all be aware society today is full of filth, no matter where we turn we
are confronted with pornographic images; in magazines; on billboards and in
every aspect of modern life. Today we are going to start the battle to win back
the moral high ground. Stage 1:
At
night we will split into 3 groups, each group will be allocated an area of the
city and will deface all offending material that is in the public eye, posters,
advertisements public transport and anything which is morally abhorrent. To
ensure that all are aware of our message all offending articles will be
“tagged”. Our slogan will deface all these satanic images; yes brothers and
sisters we will paint our slogan “ Christ Unites Nations Together” will spell
our message to all, so go forth, gather your weapons and do Gods work.” With
that he left. Bill and Celia were one group and had the city centre. In a whirl
of pain and confusion Bill was led from shop to shop buying spray paint and
taking notes of all offensive images in their area of operations. By 23:00 they were set and soon had
painted their messages on several busses and advertising hoardings. Soon it was
00:30 and Bill was knackered, too knackered to stay up all night crusading so
he suggested that they shorten their message well not the message but the means
of expressing it, instead of painting the whole “Christ Unites Nations
Together” they would just use the first letters of each word, delivering a
stronger and much more eye catching slogan.,: an anacronym of their anarchy was
a sound bite that struck a chord with his new bretheren. It struck a chord so deep that no one noticed
the word that they were now spraying on buses and bus shelters, on shop windows
and bill boards. By four o’clock
they had finished and were exhausted. A
clapped out camper van picked up the avengers and followed the leaders
limousine back to the retreat.
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